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When I see the armed men approaching, I run inside and scream for everyone to leave or hide. I don’t know these people, but I don’t want them to die. The men with weapons know how to use them. They’re breaking down doors, crawling through windows, overpowering us all. I run from room to room but I can’t save them. I can’t save myself. They’re too strong. They’re… I wake up from the nightmare and can’t fall back asleep.. https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2023/9/20/hvczj9p9f4yokkfg2mnjh8ppr5rvf8 monthly 0.5 2023-09-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/df28d665-a6f1-4daf-b1f7-5a9643f7dd3b/20230920_121026.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Rewriting a Chiari Story - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2023/3/23/ketamine-session-6-astonishing monthly 0.5 2023-07-12 https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2023/5/29/qhht-quantum-healing-hypnosis-technique monthly 0.5 2023-08-15 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/f6ddc284-b45b-40b1-8702-46664f4a1d05/20180322_170351+%281%29.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - QHHT - Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique - Close your eyes Imagine holding a ball in your hands. Any kind of ball. What does it look like? It’s a…ball of yarn. Move it back and forth between your hands. What is it doing? Unravelling. https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2023/3/29/z6pxl67nkf3mro2c9sfhky0ki6k32y monthly 0.5 2023-04-03 https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2023/3/21/ketamine-session-5-enter-chiari monthly 0.5 2023-03-21 https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2022/11/14/k-2-unexpected-love monthly 0.5 2023-03-21 https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2022/11/10/k-1-asia-im-in-asia monthly 0.5 2023-03-21 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/e715db23-9561-4399-b1af-1921d0390b51/20221011_173037.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Adventures in Ketamine - K-1: Asia. I'm in Asia - Make it stand out Wall hooks, eyes, boobs, Asian men in a boat. https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2022/3/11/untethering monthly 0.5 2022-03-09 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/8fd28856-5499-48ba-96f7-d71a7bce41e7/20171004_162105+%282%29.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Untethering - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2020/1/21/divine-intervention monthly 0.5 2024-04-18 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1580227632313-A7A6QIL6JJHPI62KST0Y/tree+light.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Divine Intervention - “Throw away all your medicine…” the voice said. Did it realize what it was asking? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1580228016375-VXZRBHJP5N6JWLABCFYC/20180420_151141+%281%29.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Divine Intervention https://www.julesrowlen.com/heal/2019/5/10/lord-chiari monthly 0.5 2024-04-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557510075731-MUS236KRZIOQL7J67SD6/20180602_175831+%282%29.jpg Heal - Conciously Creating a Culture of Health - Lord Chiari - Lord Chiari NO talking. NO laughing. NO coughing. Sit still, put your head down. 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So very hungry. https://www.julesrowlen.com/create/2019/3/28/why-the-f-are-you-writing-a-blog monthly 0.5 2019-07-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1559745781065-C37EHTJELBDKJMEH4ZRQ/20180605_150614.jpg Creating Life Concsiously - Why the F*** Are You Writing a Blog? - “Words are the physicians of a mind diseased” - AESCHYLUS Why do you think anyone would actually read it? What makes you think you have anything to say? 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https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/7b6ec956-bf96-420c-9b8c-a3a97ac2c78e/20241204_152202.jpg Meanderings - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/a58292df-1297-4209-9aa0-079841a0ce64/20241031_153709.jpg Meanderings - Puddles When you're trying to be a Conscious Parent, and you want to get your kid to Ninja on time, but he wants to show you the first frozen puddle he's seen all year, and you know this is important to him and it's actually really sweet that he is excited and wants to share that moment with you, and you're always early for Ninja anyway but rage tingles at the nape of your neck any time you try to get him somewhere on a specific time frame, and then he wants to take the long way to the car and finds a giant stick and pretends he's deer hunting with it and you wonder what it's like to be one of those parents who says "get to the car" in THAT voice that lets them know they are in deep shit so they stop f*cking around and gets to the effing car, but the peaceful parent within (buried beneath so many levels of impatience) knows that the relationship with your kid is more important than ever being on time (and you're literally never late anyway) and you get to the car eventually and are still the first to arrive at Ninja and even though your blood pressure spiked, you kept your temper in check, and you successfully Conscious Parented. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1bd766d0-3cef-46cb-9161-c8e89c9c7f19/20221126_153112.jpg Meanderings - fall at the park Are we there yet? No, Mommy took the wrong street. I find the right one and find him sleeping. I’m relieved. He’s been so emotional today, trying so hard to be independent to the point of infuriating us both. I roll my window down and let the fall breeze compete with the sunshine on my face. Leaves rustle like a pack of chatty animals skittering across the road, a whole mess all at once. A squirrel approaches. The third squirrel that’s approached me at a park today. This whole day has been a run, a push, a lesson in spinning wheels, the illusion of progress, of moving forward. He sleeps, I read a comp—a sassy romantic comedy that I don’t actually want to compare my book to because it isn’t this good. His breathing changes. He opens his eyes. I turn and smile. He blinks slowly, seeing me or not. Sometimes when he wakes, he smiles at me. This day I expect him to howl. I smile anyway. He closes his eyes again. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/5d554123-14b0-43ec-926e-040d606dd6e9/20241020_171227.jpg Meanderings Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/9e640b35-01bf-4ad3-9069-545825d7daad/20240622_202638.jpg Meanderings - Glennon doyle, untamed “…I learned that my anger never meant there was something wrong with me. It meant there was something wrong. Out there. Something I might have the power to change. I stopped being a quiet peacekeeper and started being a loud peacemaker. My anger was good.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/e1245651-564f-472d-8d0f-11ce2fad8d5c/20240623_141754.jpg Meanderings - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/4a60b43d-e3a5-4c23-8744-3c360289cd1a/20240623_141605.jpg Meanderings - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/e8ca8343-a2bb-4a9b-8d5e-03c0c029d7bb/20240612_094345.jpg Meanderings - Make it stand out https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/b2b683df-f347-4441-8efa-db2b9f789795/20210701_145926.jpg Meanderings - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/d4d70158-8d5f-4799-b8e7-6a54db9d0552/20180809_202606.jpg Meanderings - what if there is nothing to fix? I had this thought a few summers ago when I was laying on my back on this lawn chair staring into the vast, deep blue of a sky at dusk, and it got me thinking. What if there is nothing to fix because I’m fine the way I am?… …If there is nothing to fix, what the heck will I do with my time? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/6b9672ca-4b47-44b3-94aa-23e7ad4d8f9f/20180526_140534.jpg Meanderings - From the bicyclist who rides by every night: I see you. Through the window. Every night I see you. There’s a beer in your hand. Is there ever not a beer in your hand? The lights are on. Is anyone really home? You stare ahead at the tube, That feeds you. Do you see me? Do you see yourself? A REPLY: I see you. Strange cyclist every night. Where do you come from? What does your life look like? Can you see me? I feel your judgment. Is it my own mind? The silent click of your reflectors Reminds me I saw the same sight yesterday. Your reflectors are reflecting myself back at me. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/b058f718-79cf-4990-b05a-267bef7026b3/20221008_123326.jpg Meanderings - Plastic Pumpkins It’s almost Halloween. We’re nestled in the heart of fall where the days are getting shorter and the crisp air smells of fallen leaves and wet dirt, and I can buy pumpkin spiced treats for my dog (yes, they are real). It was around this time a few years ago when the importance of my day job was summed up in two words by a prepubescent boy: Plastic Pumpkins. I was working for a large trucking company where my days were spent swearing at my computer, fighting for a bathroom stall, and cringing every time my phone rang for whatever cockamamie service issue awaited on the other end of the line. One day I was huffing and puffing louder than usual, and the lady in the cube next to me asked what was wrong. What was wrong? Everything! Shippers were stupid, drivers were impossible, and the new temps—bar none—were the worst thing to happen to our team in recent memory. As a kindred spirit (she had been known to cuss like a sailor under the right circumstances) I knew my neighbor would share my sentiments. Only, after I told her exactly how many bugs had crawled up my ass, she hit me with something profound instead. She told me that once she had been complaining to her son about the joys and horrors of working logistics and he looked at her and said simply, “Mom, you’re moving plastic pumpkins.” You’re moving plastic pumpkins. Not medicine. Not hearts and lungs. Not matters of life or death. Nothing even marginally important to our fellow man. Plastic pumpkins. I personally was not moving plastic pumpkins that day, but it was something equally insignificant, and I thought, “Hell, if that’s not perspective…” A kid who didn’t even have hair under his arms yet had a better grip on the value—or lack-thereof—of my job than I did. It was my choice to get riled up over late drivers and missed freight, but when it came down to it, I wasn’t saving the world. At best I was keeping Walmart shelves full of Easter grass and toilet paper. Thanks to my hard work and dedication, more Americans could wipe their ass in a cheap and timely fashion. Was it worth the stress I was taking on to keep things moving? Would I wear those extra wrinkles and gray hair like a badge of honor for a job well fought? You’re moving plastic pumpkins. No. Probably not. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1595512658553-ETFQGD1019R1IK30CO4K/20180303_131454+%283%29.jpg Meanderings - I am more than congealed popcorn butter. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1594141358350-F62ZCQ0UQB9C9TAQ6X6A/20200707_103638.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1568300388264-AETW6KVJ90QQWLDWP4UZ/Worry.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1568215248706-WWHMDLHHM50CFODXTIWS/Montana.jpg Meanderings - People seldom behave the way I want or expect them to. Last week I was reminded why. One morning as I walked my dog I encountered a woman backing her car down her driveway. She didn't see us, so the pupp and I waited by her mailbox. My snap judgment was to get annoyed that she wasn’t paying attention, but for some reason--the fresh morning air? The gorgeous sunrise?--I just smiled and waved. When she finally noticed us she rolled down her window and apologized. Her face was ragged and vacant, as if she hadn’t slept. The woman, whose name I don't even know, told me that the night before her dog died unexpectedly from a ruptured tumor on its spleen. She said she usually looks both ways when backing out, but wasn't thinking because she was so stricken by the sudden loss. I told her how sorry I was and she eventually drove away. As I continued to walk the dog that I was suddenly more appreciative to have, I realized we don't know what we don't know. Then I remembered the story Wayne Dyer told about a man on a train who seemed oblivious to his unruly kids disturbing the crowded space. When Wayne spoke to him, he learned that the man had just come from the hospital. His wife had just died. Recently I found myself in a similar situation at the chiropractor’s office when, while I was receiving neck decompression therapy, another patient’s kids were running around behind me like unbridled hellions, without so much as a word from their mother to stop them. At the time I was so aggravated that I changed the remainder of my appointments so I wouldn’t have to deal with her kids. Now I wonder if maybe--not unlike myself--she’s been in pain for so long she doesn’t have the wherewithal to discipline them. If that’s true, I understand. The world is full of assholes; I've certainly been one of them. But the world is also full of people just doing the best they can. We never really know what someone else is going through when they cut us off in traffic, are rude at the grocery store, or hit the gas when it's not their turn at the four-way stop. I've been on the receiving end of someone else's pain and anger, and taken it personally or gotten pissed. I've also been the person treating the insurance agent like crap because I had been sick for so long I couldn’t contain the rage. And I’m sure I cut off more than one unsuspecting traveler they day I drove home from work after finding out my dad had been killed in a car accident. I don’t even remember that ride. Sometimes people are sick. Sometimes people are hurting, grieving, or lost. And yes, sometimes people are just inconsiderate assholes. But, hey, WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DON’T KNOW. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1563797699125-EQW8XUVYSB0D6S5MG56S/20180909_152042.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1561639499599-5P0CEM5WSSI5CU2V5GL2/20190625_071928+%281%29.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558615455785-LQT5H8MDC84XOY6Y4GP2/20180322_165426+%281%29.jpg Meanderings - Squandering Power Every time I said YES when I wanted to say NO, I gave my power away. Every time I served the masters Food and Alcohol, I gave my power away. Every time I didn’t raise my hand for fear of sounding too needy, or like a know-it-all, I gave my power away. Every time I refused to speak my truth for fear of who I would hurt or how it would be received, I gave my power away. Every time I passed on a creative moment in favor of the television, I gave my power away. Every time I committed to something for someone else’s reasons, rather than my own, I gave my power away. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558106127391-28LBPSD1LO3NG47NTI8R/20180303_131607+%282%29.jpg Meanderings - Milestone 7/13/15 Bottle Honey Weiss (beer) 149 calories per bottle x 5 bottles = 745 calories Bottle Cherry Coke = 260 calories Can Mountain Dew = 170 calories I drank a minimum of 1175 calories yesterday. Food: Sandwich w/ rye bread, 3 pieces of Buddig corned beef, 1piece of cheese Brat w/ bun Bowl of homemade macaroni and cheese Hot dog w/ bun 3 cups of popcorn Hell. I looked at myself in the mirror last night, astounded by the size of my gut. I mean, it practically has its own orbit. The new moon that got caught in the gravitational pull of my stomach wasn’t enough to keep me from drinking 5—count ‘em 5!!—beers. When will this madness will end? I am floored and feel like the scale must be lying. I can’t be nearly 200 pounds… https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558105108224-4HO8X1XFKEVMBQEEGIM0/IMG_4102.JPG Meanderings - Rest. You need to Stay here for a while It’s been almost three years since the accident that took my dad’s life, and our family has lost another amazing man to a senseless tragedy. His family now faces a long, torturous tour through hell, one that I still remember well. I don’t have any words of wisdom because there’s nothing anyone can say to hasten the tour or ease the pain. You just have to live it. In this case, the way out really is through. In remembrance, here is a letter I wrote my husband a few months after losing my dad. 12/3/15 Morning baby, I want to apologize for last night. I can’t seem to get a handle on my emotions lately, and alcohol really doesn’t help. I don’t know what was wrong with me last night. You didn’t do anything wrong so please don’t think that. I was praying the other night when I took a bath because some days the simple act of getting dressed is hard, and then I look around at the house and how it’s just getting messier and messier and I can’t even bring myself to fold a piece of laundry. It’s like being defeated from the moment I wake up in the morning, so I just throw in the towel and walk away. Anyway, I was praying because I don’t want this feeling to continue, and I heard a voice inside my head that basically said, “Rest; you need to stay here for a while”. I don’t want to stay here (and by “here” I mean this state of mind where I’m always an instant away from breaking down, and the smallest amount of stress or expectation is completely overwhelming), but something inside of me (or outside of me?) said that I have to. So I’ve accepted that this is my life right now, for whatever that means. I’m sorry because I know it’s not easy for you to live with me. I’m well aware of that because it’s not easy to live with myself either. And again, sorry about last night. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558104611208-YWNKBFSW3IJ7FQV148SU/20181010_174928+%281%29.jpg Meanderings - When Food Is Love 11/1/2018 This week I’ve been sharing excerpts on Facebook from When Food is Love by Geneen Roth. Based on the response, they might have been hard to read. I’m facing the hidden parts of me, the parts I’ve scarcely admitted to myself, let alone anyone else. I’m sharing it because we’re all hiding something, and we’re all hiding behind something. I know what my monsters are but I’m only now starting to understand where they came from. Some of the people closest to me are surprised by all of this, and so was I! I was surprised that the trigger of my destructive compulsions that I searched for for years is rooted in my early childhood when I didn’t feel safe. When nothing scared me more than being alone. I had to “go back to what is underneath the compulsion, to the pain that shaped it and made it necessary,” and when I did I found myself seven years old grasping for something solid to hold onto and coming up empty. Even more surprising than the origin is its reach. I knew the fingers of childhood pain extended into my adult life, but I didn’t realize their hold kept me suspended, forever on pause, non-committal, and always ready to run (a recent heart mapping test at work showed I’m stuck in fight-or-flight dominance, even when there is no danger). It’s even contributed to my obsession with wanting what is forbidden, the cornerstone of almost all my past relationships—my wonderful husband excluded. I’ve been an island, anti-dependent, “the cactus.” I am prickly and isolated because at one time I needed to be, and I never figured out how to stop. Sometimes hugs make me uncomfortable. Sometimes saying, “I love you,” hurts for reasons I can’t explain. The frustration and confusion that’s surrounded me and my precious island like a fog is finally starting to lift. It’s cliché, but the way out really is through. If I keep turning my face away from this monster, I’ll keep repeating the same behaviors over and over for the rest of my life. Facing the monster is scary, change is scary…but nothing is more terrifying than reliving childhood fear in my adult relationships forever. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558104546412-6NKMZU9PY38PUEKFCLHZ/20180322_170337+%281%29.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558104202469-UXSSG4P3438VRF83WBDT/20170618_182052+%282%29.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1558004622827-EW8NRGG1Q3GQOBVV464G/20180322_172443.jpg Meanderings - Take Care of It 9/11/2018 A few weeks ago as I left my new job at the end of a good day, the late summer sun beating down on my face, I slipped into a rare moment of reverie. I was finally doing work outside of writing that mattered to me, which I had thought impossible. I was an active participant in healing myself and others. What could be more perfect? For a moment I basked in the bliss of this realization and felt a surge of pride that I finally had the courage to leave the old and start anew—and it had worked. …And then the lovely moment deflated like air escaping a balloon when I remembered how many other things I still had to do. I was still overweight. Still hadn’t finished a book. Still feeling the effects of the Chiari on a daily basis. There was still so much farther to go. At this, an insistent—and rather annoyed—voice in my head said, “Just take care of it already.” I stopped in my tracks and almost laughed. Just take care of it already. Was it really that easy? How many times had I skipped a walk in favor of watching a documentary, or made lists about all the things I planned to change only to make a similar—but slightly better—list a few days later? When was the last time I let Elena Brower lead me through 30 minutes of yoga, or made time for a Joe Dispenza meditation? I have the tools to change. At what point do I stop talking and start doing? Confucius said that life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. He’s right. Instead of making plans and promises that get chucked by the wayside as I continue to live the same way I have for years, it’s time to just take care of it already. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557837394291-3DML1FYZZCFZ68KHAXTZ/IMG_4064.JPG Meanderings - The Meaning of Life I lost my dad unexpectedly to a car accident in October of 2015. We were texting the night before. That weekend he was supposed to come see my new house for the first time. One minute he was here, and the next he was gone. It happened so fast there was no goodbye, no chance of closure. His death was like a sentence unfinished forever. We had the funeral the following Thursday. I was to return to work the Monday afterwards, as if twelve days was enough time to reassemble the pieces of my shattered world. Sunday, October 25, the night before my return to work, the reality of his death finally caught up with me. Since I was no longer busy sorting through photos, planning the funeral, or making bad jokes to hide the fact that I had no idea how to process such a loss, a few of my protective layers fell away and the truth of life without my father—without the pillar of our family, my one constant—started to dawn. I picked up my journal and this is what I wrote: I used to justify unfortunate events by saying that all things happened for a reason. I don’t think that applies to death. Unless it saves countless lives, it’s useless. Maybe not even then. Death of one person is useless. Even if it somehow saved the rest of us, or taught us lessons we needed to learn, it would never be worth the loss of his life. He was a life force. Sometimes I tried to stifle him. That was my mistake. No one should ever be stifled. Our lights should shine as bright as the sun to fill the world with it. If there is a lesson, it’s that we should all be as much of ourselves—our whole selves—as possible, every minute of every day of our entire lives. Maybe that’s it. That’s only it. That’s the purpose of our lives. He didn’t care if you loved or hated him, or disagreed with his antics, his politics, or his choices. He was living while he was alive. He was 100% unapologetically Troy D. Rowe all the time, the definition of authentic. And what could possibly be more important than being our truest selves, living our truest lives, every day? My dad taught me the meaning of life. I’m so fortunate to have known the man that could show me the way. I only wish I didn’t have to lose him to see it. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557833982183-C99O7JN9ZAXYC0C59VBP/20180719_074038+%281%29.jpg Meanderings - The Problem with Postponing Happiness We aren’t guaranteed a future beyond the singular moment in which we live. There is no time other than the present. If we can’t be happy now, then when? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557507467635-LX0F5IW4R7JQ4XS5WQ80/best+friends.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557502000927-LKZ6PXFMENUE5TV5FR7E/IMG_4111.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557499026414-DKHPNZWJOL10RX704HPR/20190305_195551+%282%29.jpg Meanderings - Hungover 5/22/14 I’m seeing the world through the glassy veil of a mild hangover. Two and a half days of nothing but juiced meals and I revert to my old habits at the first opportunity for tapped beer. I’d be disappointed in myself except I’m happy for the lesson. I feel worse than I normally would after four (five?) pints, and I’m worried my lead in the battle of the bulge might be waning. I don’t want to fall behind. The weekend approaches and this lesson is learned at the right time. I don’t want to feel like this for my engagement pictures. I don’t want to lose all this forward momentum when presented with unlimited grilled meats, chips, and beer, beer, beer. I’m on the cusp of real, honest-to-God change and I want to see it through. I’ve spent far too many years backsliding. SPOILER ALERT - there were still many more years to go. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557230346564-VWKKTUNLTCT3JFEB94AJ/worst+parts+of+me.jpg Meanderings https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557229162796-OVLOGU0PB1FYBREXQJL3/sterling+in+tree+with+tongue.jpg Meanderings - Tighty Whities From Spring of 2017 I got upset over underwear today. I was deeply agitated by a load of tighty whities that was going to miss pickup by not one, but two days (I work in transportation). In in my moment of frustration I once again questioned the life choices that brought me here. No closer to an answer than any other time a rescheduled load of insignificant crap tore through my psyche like a semi-truck, I went outside on my lunch break, tied my little grey cat to a tree, and watched him chew on the grass I mowed yesterday. Why wasn’t I born a cat? Maybe next time. This time, however, I find myself barely clinging to the first half of my thirties in a body twice it’s normal size, freaking out over undelivered underwear, wondering how the hell I’m going to buck up the courage to go back to my desk in an hour. What miraculous quote or well-timed butterfly will snap the universe into place so that I no longer care about the past-due panties, and finally feel at peace? I have a sneaking suspicion that I will find said peace when it is no longer my job to stress about unshipped loads of underwear. Until then? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1556022481787-OY5L3AZQWUPYYZ1Z1Q3O/20190421_085639+%281%29.jpg Meanderings https://www.julesrowlen.com/new-page-3 daily 0.75 2019-05-11 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/1557519516029-MERCF1BO31ZUCWFMVKXC/surrender+is+freedom+-+new.jpg Surrender is Freedom https://www.julesrowlen.com/writingnotes daily 0.75 2025-03-01 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/3b7778ca-1f8c-441a-9285-35f7cd044dbd/20240608_201143.jpg Writing Notes - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5ab12b4c50a54f7840fd35ae/6373f890-f2dd-4956-9f0f-df51d8c59f24/20240311_091404.jpg Writing Notes - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://www.julesrowlen.com/subscribe-rally daily 0.75 2026-03-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57d6c55a2994cab476e9fb40/1588544231254-0SXFGPILG6ME24WJW1C5/3_homepage-banner.jpg Subscribe https://www.julesrowlen.com/the-magazine-rally daily 0.75 2026-03-20 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/57d6c55a2994cab476e9fb40/1475002184585-ITBO35QCZW1C4CAK2ZV6/image-asset.jpeg The Magazine